"Ditties for an Opening Night"

I enjoy perusing my Playbills and usually there are some fun features... But sometimes they are not so good...

From the opening night Playbill of the flop musical Jimmy, by Maureen Cannon:

"Who's with whom?" and "What's she wearing?"
Seems the order of the day
While the actors wait, despairing
Of the audience's caring
Just a bit - a flop? a hit? - about the play!

There was a young usher named Marge
Who said to herself, by and large,
As she led the elite
In the dark to each seat
"From where I squint, the play's a mirage!"

The theatre's sweet magic
Turns sour, or tragic,
Each time that I sit down to find
My legs and knees poking
Whoever, not joking,
Glares round to see who sits behind!

When is it that
A flower hat
Infuriates, enrages?
When, blooming, it's
On her who sits
'Tween me and where the stage is!

Granted, two-on-the-aisle
May be chic and in style,
But I've suffered, and more than a little,
Playing jack-in-the-box
To latecomers (a pox
On 'em all!) Give me two-in-the-middle!!!

Sardi Party:

Opinions are plain
And not murky:
The playwright's new brain-
Child's a turkey!