Radar Online had this delightful little bagatelle to deflect me from more important responsibilities. Enjoy.
http://www.radaronline.com/features/2008/02/ralibs_oscar_speeches.php
Here is mine:
Wow. Oh boy. I wasn't going to prepare a speech, but my Myrna told me I'd jinx myself if I didn't. So, thanks, Bo-Peep! [Pause. Inhale deeply. Nod to Jack Nicholson.] I'd like to thank the Academy. I'd like to thank the stellar, visionary and legendary actors I was nominated with. Just to be included in a group with you all is an honor. I'd like to thank my manager, Maury, my agent, Ari, my stylist, and all the immensely talented people at New Line, Harvey Weinstein, Jesus, and Bob Hartley.
I'd also like to thank my parents, who supported me through cough drop addiction. And Martin Landau, my one ... true ... love [gaze into audience]. Last, but certainly not least, we all just lost Mel Brooks, a truly idiotic visionary and stupendous soul. [Begin tearing.] I'd like us to take a moment to ... No! Gee Willickers, Batman!! Don't start playing that music, I have 85 more people to go! My editor Thelma Schoonmaker, my accountant Irving Kaplan, my lawyer Arthur Anders, and my personal assistant Mozambique, Josh at Marble Faun Pictures. Brad Grey. When we started this project, Terror on the golf course was something no one wanted to talk about. Victims of frog attacks, this is for you! Thank ... [Music swells]
Saturday, February 23, 2008
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Wow. Oh boy. I wasn't going to prepare a speech, but my NENNY told me I'd jinx myself if I didn't. So, thanks, POOPSIE! [Pause. Inhale deeply. Nod to Jack Nicholson.] I'd like to thank the Academy. I'd like to thank the SLOVENLY, GORGEOUS, ANCIENT actors I was nominated with. Just to be included in a group with you all is an honor. I'd like to thank my manager, TEVYE, my agent, KEVIN, my stylist, and all the immensely talented people at NEW LINE, Harvey Weinstein, FAGGOT, and DR. FEELGOOD.
I'd also like to thank my parents, who supported me through DEAD BUNNIES. And IOAN GRUFFUD, my one ... true ... love [gaze into audience]. Last, but certainly not least, we all just lost JACKE MASON, a truly HURTFUL visionary and HIGH soul. [Begin tearing.] I'd like us to take a moment to ... No! GREAT ODEN'S RAVEN!! Don't start playing that music, I have 34 more people to go! My editor KATE WHITE, my accountant JON MANDWELLE, my lawyer BARRY THE LAWYER JEW, and my personal assistant THAT THING I PUT MY PENIS IN, Josh at SCYLLA AND CHARYBDA Pictures. Brad Grey. When we started this project, RIGHTS FOR PANDAS was something no one wanted to talk about. Victims of RIGHTS FOR PARAPLEGICS, this is for you! Thank ...
[Music swells.]
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